It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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