Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
