If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize