It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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