We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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