You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize