It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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