There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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