we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
