what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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