Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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