I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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