so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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