She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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