Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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