Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
COCAINE IS GR8
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I did not marry a roomba.
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