i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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