Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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