Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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