Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it penis luge time yet?
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Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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