Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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