And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize