ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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