I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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