I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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