matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize