Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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