Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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