Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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