loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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