Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize