i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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