So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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