he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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