she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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