Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize