she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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