Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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