I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize