just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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