I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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