could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize