I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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