im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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