I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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