i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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