Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize