i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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