whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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