What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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